FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

ABC PROUDLY LAUNCHES NEW ‘INTERSTITIAL DRAMA’ TO TAKE PLACE ENTIRELY WITHIN THE PAUSES BETWEEN WORDS UTTERED BY LINEMEN AS THEY INTRODUCE THEMSELVES DURING MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

ABC unveiled its newest show, Disparate Housewives today, in which housewives are extremely different from one another. “It may sound like a rather limiting premise,” said Glenn Glenndennon, ABC’s Senior Vice Producer of Interstitial Development, “but a show like Disparate Housewives is perfectly suited for our new line of interstitial programming, that is, programming which takes place entirely within the pauses between the words uttered by linemen as they introduce themselves during Monday Night Football.”

In the debut episode of Disparate Housewives, Charlene and Sarah, one blonde and tall, the other brunette and short, argue briefly about their opposing viewpoints concerning couch texture. The entire episode takes place between the words “Burt” and “Farmpletog”, which are, respectively, the first and last names of Minnesota’s Nosetackle. ABC was kind enough to provide us with a clip (hell man, I can’t be expected to maintain the press release format, I’m typing this crap at work during pauses in my secretarial day – how appropo!):

DISPARATE HOUSEWIVES EPISODE ONE

JOHN MADDEN

…which should play a big role in determining run to pass ratio.

AL MICHAELS

As they line-up, let’s meet the Viking’s starters.

[loud swooshing noises accompany a robo-mechanical themed computer graphic, in which the football players' heads appear one by one with their names underneath -- as each head rotates into view, it becomes live video, with the player speaking - very very slowly - into the camera]

BURT FARMPLETOG

…Burt…

[another graphic appears next to Burt's face as he pauses to recollect his own last name - in this graphic two women appear - one tall and blonde, one brunette and short]

CHARLENE

I prefer couches with a plush texture.

SARAH

I strongly disagree. I like a nice, coarse texture.

BURT FARMPLETOG

…Farmpletog…

CHARLENE

No, a plush texture, like a velour, is much more appealing.

SARAH

No it isn’t, it’s nicer to have something that you can idly rub while you watch tv.

BURT FARMPLETOG

…Eastern…

The other night, a fellow comic was mentioning to me that I have a tendency to abandon premises mid-post. Interesting.