Hey. I’m Martin Scorsese, and right now I’m yelling at you from inside a throbbing, sweaty, joyously cacophonous Mardi Gras crowd, or if you’ll pardon my verbosity, “throng”. It really is a throng so that’s the term I’m going to go with for the remainder of this pitch so I tell ya what let me…let me start from the top keep rolling. And action.
Hey. I’m Martin Scorsese, and right now I’m yelling at you from inside a throbbing, sweaty, joyously cacophonous Mardi Gras throng, right here in New Orleans. Just look at all of the exposed flesh, it’s as if Katrina were still ravaging this coastal city, but with tits instead of wind. Is that distasteful? CUT. It’s in poor taste. I shouldn’t have mentioned Katrina. Alright from the top. Wait let me reposition the beads they got flipped. Wait you know what they actually look better this way I like the blue. Alright from the top. Wait. Are we rolling? Alright. From the top and ACTION!
Hey. I’m Martin Scorsese, and right now I’m yelling at you from inside a throbbing, sweaty, joyously cacophonous Mardi Gras throng, right here in New Orleans. I’m loving it! That’s because I’m smack dab in the middle of my favorite thing: lots and lots of exposed boobs. I love looking at boobs even more than I love making motion pictures! Hey, I wear these glasses for a reason! And that reason is 100% boobs-related! And here is that reason: so I can look at boobs. See, I wasn’t kidding about the percentage of the reason with respect to how much of it was about boobs! Anyway, we all know that the best way to get a random woman to expose her naked boobs at Mardi Gras is with beads. You show the beads, she shows the boobs, you give her the beads, boom: it’s a satisfying transaction for all concerned.
But not just any beads will do. And that’s why I’m proud to present Marty Gras Beads, the only Mardi Gras beads that have been personally designed with an obsessive attention to detail by me, Martin Scorsese. Just look at that quality. Each bead is lovingly crafted from the highest quality materials, like walrus ivory, triple-glazed porcelain, and over two kinds of plastic.
You wanna talk about Goodfellas? Check out these goods, fellas. And by goods I mean boobs!
Forget Shutter Island, these chicks won’t be able to shut their BLOUSES when you flash my Marty Gras Beads!
Casino? You’ll be Ca-seeing Hoes with my beads, and they’ll be ca-showing you their casabas!
Departed ain’t got nothin’ on these D-cups!
Shine A Light…on those bazoombas!
The Last Temptation of Christ? How about The Breast Titsplosion of Christalmightylookatthoseawesomebazoingos!
Raging Boner! Is a play on words with regards to my highly-acclaimed film Raging Bull.
The Age of Innocence is a film I directed, and in that film was Winona Ryder! Who, at that point in her career, had great tits.
Who knows, maybe she still does. I’m not sure.
Okay I’ve clearly…I’ve clearly lost some steam here. And that’s fine. We can tighten this in post. I’m not sure about the Titsplosion line. Okay anyway keep rolling.
My point is, when it comes to getting strange women to flash you their boobs, there’s only one brand of Mardi Gras beads that will do the trick, over and over again: Martin Scorsese’s handcrafted Marty Gras Beads!
Remember, my beads in the hand are worth two boobs in your face!
Trust me, with my beads those babes will definitely show you their boobs.
And my prices are as low as their self esteem!
Just $19.95 for 10 lovingly handcrafted Marty Gras Bead necklaces, and each one comes with my patented 90-day boobflash-inducement warranty. If you don’t see some strange lady’s boobs within 90 days of purchasing these beads, I’ll refund your money! No questions asked!
Now if you’ll excuse me, Marty’s gotta get HIS Mardi on and party on!
Taxi Driver? More like rack! See! Dry pants. Is what…you won’t have. Okay yeah we won’t use that one I was just…I thought I had one more in me but nope. Okay CUT.