Andrés du Bouchet

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Born With A Stage Name

This blog barely exists yet, but what the heck:

Born With A Stage Name

June 2008

Workplace Comedy
This is my first attempt at writing a sitcom script. I consider it a success simply because I’d never written anything this long, and it nearly broke my brain trying. Also, there’s some not un-funny stuff in here.
June 2013
CTRL+ALT+DEL
I wrote this one act play back in 2004. Up until my recent sitcom-writing experiment (see Workplace Comedy), this was the longest thing I’d ever tried to write. It was a brain-breaking experience at the time, and the result is a scene that plays out more like an extended comedy sketch than a one act. But I like it.
February 2013
High Brow Filth
I honestly like writing poetry, and I love being filthy. So obviously, stuff like this is going to come out of me from time to time.
February 2013
Diners, Drive-Ins And Muff Dives
This piece was written for a show called Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is one of my favorite brainless shows to zone out to, so I did some IMDb’ing and wrote a fan fic about it.
July 2012
Bunch Of Totally Fake Crap
In preparation for honestly answering some interview questions about how things work at CONAN, I wrote this piece about how things definitely do NOT work at CONAN.
June 2012
Empty Growler Article
This bar is near where I live, and I’d been there a few times when I reviewed it for the site Empty Growler. I still think this piece is the best window into my real personality.
April 2012
Test!
This is only a test.
March 2012
Published Writing
A few links to things that I’ve had published. Very few things. Very. Few.
March 2012
Buy My Comedy Album!
Buy my album. Buy it.
November 2011
Hey Kid!
You got the goods!
September 2011
Martin Scorsese’s ‘Marty’ Gras Beads!
Martin Scorsese puts the same attention to detail into his hand-crafted ‘Marty’ Gras beads as he does into his films!
March 2011
Bonus Track!
To prevent fans from having heart attacks, smooth Jazz DJs Ernie Rivers and Manny Salazar have been tapped to announce the Super Bowl!
February 2011
Curse For The Cure
My idea for an awesome new charity!
November 2009
Gold4Sex.com!
Need cash but don’t have any gold that you can sell for cash? Gold4Sex.com!
November 2009
TWEET!
I do more tweeting than blogging nowadays.
April 2009
Moonwork – January 24th, 2009
The Stringbean Reviews
January 2009
Rough FART draft for Moonwork 1/10/09
A true, heartwarming tale.
January 2009
Born With A Stage Name
A blog detailing my 35 fictional years as a Hollywood icon. It’s kind of a dead project at the moment, I haven’t updated it in ages. Still, there are some interesting rambles on there.
June 2008
New Reality Shows
Who wants to read a list of made-up reality shows? America, that’s who!
January 2008
A special message from Mets 3rd Baseman David Wright!
Scroll down a bit in this post for a travelogue of Venice!
May 2007
Conan packet 2007
My 2007 submission to Late Night.
April 2007
Hasselhoff & Helium
This is the champion of long weird monologues! A combination of the Hasselhoff and helium pieces, it truly delivers on kooky details and tidbits.
April 2007
rough notes for MOONWORK – March 31st, 2007
I hereby give up at life, thanks to a lifetime of anxiety and depression, and Sidney Poitier’s audio memoirs.
March 2007
On The Mating Habits Of Finches
Ah, the Finch piece! I still like doing this one. This is a bit of a rough draft.
January 2007
The Most Amazing Christmas Sweater I’ve Ever Seen
That was one crazy sweater.
December 2006
It’s funny because I’m blind!
Cash Brulee, the blind blues singer, was a character I did briefly, and this was his origin story.
November 2006
Help us help laserless pets.
Chances are if I asked each of you a question consisting of the two

parts a) do you own a pet and b) does that pet have a laser, about

half of you would answer no to part a and no to part b, and about half

of you would answer yes to part a and no to part b. Maybe one of you

would answer yes to part a and yes to part b, but then I would clarify

the question, and you’d almost certainly change your answer to part b

to no.
September 2006
SO YOU’VE BEEN TURNED!
Murray Peterson the mild-mannered Midwestern vampire was one of my favorite characters. Here’s one bit where Murray is helping new ‘turnees’ adjust to their vampirism.
June 2006
The Aristocrats
My version of the Aristocrats.
September 2005
Here is my SNL packet.
Here’s a bunch of sketches, some of which I submitted as part of my SNL packet in summer 2005.
July 2005
PURSUANT L. XYLUM
A tribute to email spam.
June 2005
J-O-G, man.
The Joggernauts vs. The Miami Jog Machine in a no-jogs-barred Jog-Off! Catch The Steadiness!
May 2005
Here’s the whole sloppy mess…
Drunk!
May 2005
voot. voot voot voot voot. sniff. WOOF! vootvootvootvoot
This post is about a dog with corduroy for fur and that’s all it’s about.
March 2005
TOO MANY PANDAS!
At one point I was really going through a panda phase. All great artists have their phases, I guess. Mine involved pictures of pandas and an IN-YOUR-FACE attitude!
February 2005
BOLIVIGUAY: Land of Extravaganchantment!
Francisco Guglioni, host of Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions And Also There is A Game, introduces you to the wonders of his home country.
January 2005
CTRL+ALT+DEL (with photos!)
CTRL+ALT+DEL (pronounced ‘Control Alt Delete’) is a one-act play I wrote back in 2004. As long as deranged lunatics continue to murder their pregnant wives, I believe this will remain a timeless classic.
December 2004
THE PUMPKIN DUMPLING KING AND THE GREAT FUDGE DILEMMA…and other drunken grumblings…
Simple formula: an entire bottle of wine on an empty stomach and an internet connection.
December 2004
BJ story…commence!
This is the story of the time I saw ‘Anchorman’ late one summer night in 2004. It was later published in Time Out New York as a much shortened version.
December 2004
Awesomeness Redux
This was something I enjoyed performing more than audiences enjoyed seeing.
September 2004
“You’re Not Going To Put Me In Your Act, Are You?”
This is 100% real. E-mail and IM exchanges like this one are going on every day. All around us. (cue scary music)
August 2004
The Cat Bit
Once audiences realized I was supposed to be a cat, most of them laughed.
August 2004
The Ballad Of The Curious Woodsman And Other Sasquatch-Related Monologues: A Cold Reading
The stupidest one act…thingy…ever written. Performed only once. I had such a case of the Coremans that I barely got through the thing. I laughed through almost every line. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t rehearse and then read it through for the first time at midnight.
June 2004
Usted es debido para una limpieza!
The dental professionals at La Odontologia De La Ensanada De La Palma have sent you this cute little postcard to let you know it’s time for a cleaning! I wrote this in English, and then translated it into Spanish with one of those web-based translation programs, so any Spanish-fluent person would probably read it as nonsense.
June 2004
Frankie & Petey
A monologue done in a sort of Deniroesque voice, while wearing a tank top.
May 2004
Dear Dollarshots:
My first headshots were a disaster, as you can see here.
May 2004
Bring your caboose ’round here, girl.
More eloquent poetry from yours truly.
March 2004
I could work for Hallmark.
A rap in honor of Columbus Day. I would perform this “poem” several times, always bracketing the filth with something very benign.
October 2003
Nigel & Cocoa
The first solo piece of mine that started to get decent laughs. One of my only good memories of performing at Ye Olde Tripple Inn on 54th St. was because of this bit. You can watch it on Youtube if this doesn’t make sense.
October 2002
Where Is My Toilet?
As I go through my old monologues, it’s becoming clear to me that all of them were just excuses to rearrange curses, sex jokes and poop jokes. Still, I had fun! Here’s one I did in a Southernish accent.
August 2002
Rod Pornocopter
This piece of aggressive filth did well for me for a few performances, but ultimately fell flat in the long run. Still, one of my best comedy memories is killing with this at Luna Lounge back in the day.
August 2002
NTH
The piece I’ve done countless times – it usually goes great or is greeted with stares. This is a bit of a rough draft.
July 2002
Happy Accident Fudge
Wow. This was gross. My strongest memory of this bit is doing at some small room in Brooklyn to a few chuckles, and then trying to flyer for a show afterwards. At least two women literally held up their hands as if to say “No, I do not want your flyer after seeing that piece.”
August 2000
My Penis
This is oooold. As stated in the intro, it went well once.
August 1999
To Victory! the original text
Another late 90s bit. If the invisible baboon bit was the first piece that starting getting me decent laughs, this is the first one that started killing. No pun intended. Of course, it also tanked from time to time, as my stage presence was still at the whims of my awful stage fright.
August 1998
December 22, 1997 – The Hospital Room bit
Probably the first solo piece I ever performed. I did it only a handful of times.
December 1997
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