Juan!

Here’s the latest from my pen and Jonny Fido’s lense. As always, a spiffier Quicktime version is in the AV section of this site:

Walken Talk

Here’s one of my favorite GTN sketches – I think this was shot back in May 2006:

$200 Flat Rate! (short version)

And heeeere’s the “official”, shorter version of the video:

$200 Flat Rate! (Extended Director’s Cut)

Here’s the latest thingy I wrote, which was then directed/shot, edited and fx’d-up by the awesome Jonny Fido. Sfx and music by Eric Willhelm. Rob Gorden is the main pitchman, Mark Douglas and Jonny are the “flat rate!” guys, Jack Kukoda and I are the hapless customers (God I gotta lose weight), and Sara Munson (my lady!) & Sara Schaefer are the two operators. This is the long version – a one minute, much faster version will be posted soon too:

A special message from Mets 3rd Baseman David Wright!

You know that deer-in-headlights look that some athletes have when they deliver various public relations messages to the camera? Such as:

“Mets fever! Catch the fever!”

or

“You bring the kids. We’ll bring the hits. Catch the fever from us! Mets!”

My use of exclamation points notwithstanding, such lines are usually delivered in a wiiiiide-eyed monotone. Anyway, just imagine an athlete saying this to the camera (for no particular reason):

the spider I’m envisioning is made of sausage

a sausage spider scrambling up my meat love

thick links spicy raw the legs – eight of them

plump and scrambling up

Thursday night is towel night at Shea – hop aboard the Mets!

or

She was here a night ago

but a night ago was years ago

and what faded slow

is almost gone

no longer able to haunt

Playoff tickets are still available at Mets.com – get your Mets on!

or

in orbit around you

dumbfounded

a stupid grinning satellite

ready to crash

through your atmosphere

aflame

something something Mets

eh, this poetry idea was stupid. I don’t think I’ve been very “up” for blogging for a long time now – I’m mostly happy to just post clips and scripts. Here’s something:

NO BUDGET FILMS

Let’s Do It! Venice!

by Andrés du Bouchet

NOTE: All locations will feature water in the background, and will be shot such that the illusion of being on a canal is somewhat maintained. This will be shot entirely in New York City.

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #1]

Hey yooz guyz. Fuggehdaboudit. Gabagool! Scungeel! Prozhoot! Karen, why’d you flush all the cocaine down the toilet, Karen!? You guessed it, I’m in Italy!


ANDRES throws arms wide as if to show off his surroundings, but the camera zooms IN on his face, instead.


SONG: “Get off of the couch – Let’s Do It! Get out of bed for once – Let’s Do It! You might as well do something! Let’s Do It!”


GRAPHIC: of Andres eating a hot dog in front of stock photo of the
Empire State Building


GRAPHIC: of Andres eating a hot dog in front of stock photo of Eiffel Tower


GRAPHIC: of Andres eating a hot dog in front of stock photo of the 
Pyramids of Giza


CAPTION: No Budget Films presents…


LET’S DO IT! VENICE!


with your host, Andres du Bouchet

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #2].

Ah, Venice. The “Wet Apple”. I’m Andres du Bouchet, and today we’re going to explore the sites and sounds of the moistest jewel in Italy’s crown…of cities. Let’s Do It!


ANDRES WALKS OFF CAMERA


GRAPHIC: A MAP OF ITALY

If Italy were a boot, then Venice would be located right here, where your calf would get chafed. But in this case, your calf wouldn’t be chafed by rough leather trim, it would be chafed by beautiful architecture (shot of Venetian architecture) and rich cultural history (shot of the Fonz)! Sicily is a crumpled up candy bar wrapper!

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #3]


Venice was founded in 422 A.D. by Romans fleeing the invading Goths.


ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #4]


It was the wealthiest city in Europe during the 1200s.

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #5]


Then it was conquered by Napoleon in 1797.

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #6 – HOT DOG STAND]


And that brings us to the present – today, Venice is a popular tourist destination where American currency is accepted with a smile!

HOT DOG VENDOR
”That’ll be 5 bucks”


Isn’t his English is great? Everyone in Venice speaks English.


(takes bite of hot dog) Mmmm, now thatsa gooda sausage!

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION # 7 – large body of water – most likely Hudson or East River]

Hey have you noticed all the water? – that’s because Venice is criss-crossed by millions of snaking canals. The canals are like the veins of Venice, and the water is like its blood. Especially during Venice’s annual blood sacrifice festival, when the waters run red.


And where there’s water, there’s bridges! Some of Venice’s more famous bridges are the Ponte dei Scalzi (shot of Williamsburg Bridge), the Ponte dell’Accademia (shot of Brooklyn Bridge), and of course, The Bridge of A Thousand Snakes (shot of 59th St. Bridge).


Speaking of canals, every speedboat chase you’ve ever seen in a Hollywood blockbuster was filmed right here in the canals of Venice! Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll see them shooting one now! (pause – zoom in a little bit on the water behind Andres – wait a beat on the empty water) Oh well!

ANDRES SITS IN [LOCATION # 8 – a rowboat in Central Park’s boathouse pond]


Right now I’m in a gondola, which is like a water taxi. It’s how people in Venice get around. I don’t usually like to travel by boat, but…When In Rome!

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #9]

Venice Fun Fact! Did you know that you can rearrange all of the letters in the words Venice, Italy to spell (cut to crazed looking Andres speaking ominously as the words appear beneath his face) Evil Cat In Ye!

ANDRES SITS IN [LOCATION #8 again – in the rowboat]

The guy steering the boat is called a gondolier.

(cameraman briefly turns the camera on himself as he simultaneously clunks around with the oars awkwardly)

Did you know that Gondoliers are legally allowed to perform marriages? However, any couple married by a gondolier is only considered married while afloat. When on dry land, they’re free to date around!

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #10]


Venice Fun Fact: A person who was born in Venice is called…a Venusian. (beat) and Venice is sinking at a rate of almost ten feet per year!

ANDRES SITS IN [LOCATION #8 again – the rowboat]

Hey, that’s all the time we have. I’m sure you’ve still got boatloads of questions. If you’re interested in finding out more about Venice, simply go to our website, letsdoit.net – it’s very important you type
in .net, because letdsoit.com is something entirely different. Once you’re on our website, click on the episode archive link, then, the Venice link. Then, just click on the link marked google, which will take you to google.com. Then google Venice.

ANDRES STANDS AT [LOCATION #11 – a street]

Until next time, I’m Andres du Bouchet, saying See youz latuh, from Venice,
Italy! (Take a sip from a Starbucks cup and hails a cab) Taxi!

CREDITS