GTN!

A small taste of the wackiness we conspire to create every week.

Calendar

(huh. looks like I don’t have any shows coming up — I’ll fix that, you’ll see!)

“Okay, now we’re going to throw real people out of a window so you can really see the horror first hand.”

This portion of the Moussaoui trial is kind of silly. They’ve found him guilty. Fine. But now, in their quest to convince the jury to give him the death penalty, they’re dragging out every possible bit of horror they can find, all of which basically add up to the notion that ‘What happened on 9/11 is really, really, really bad.’ Isn’t that obvious already? They’ve already determined that Moussaoui aided, or at least through his non-cooperation he hindered the capture of, the men who hijacked those planes. They’ve already determined that he was part of a conspiracy that resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent Americans. Sooooo, they need to let the jury listen to Mayor Giuliani to convince them of how horrible 9/11 was? They need to let the jury hear the Flight 93 tapes in order to convince them that crashing in a hijacked plane is a bad, awful thing? I find it all very odd and unneccessarily (I hate trying to spell that word)…maudlin. Is that the word? What’s the word you use when you want to describe someone who insists on obsessing over terrible events? I dunno. It all seems ridiculous. 3,000 people died. This guy was in on it. The debate shouldn’t be “Wasn’t 9/11 awful”, it should be “Is the death penalty necessary based on his participation in the plans.” The prosecution’s main goal, therefore, or stick a sock in my mouth if I’m wrong here, should be to prove that Moussaoui’s INVOLVEMENT in the whole shebang was substantial enough to consider him an active culprit in these 3,000 deaths. Not just wallowing in the voyeurism of horror. And also, I may have no idea what I’m talking about, I don’t read the news too carefully.

“Thank you Your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we’ve dressed this puppy up as the World Trade Center, and this Anaconda has been painted to look like an airliner. Let’s watch. Okay…the Anaconda must have eaten recently, because he’s just sitting there. I’ll tell you what, we’re just going to shoot the puppy twice, and each of those bullets will represent a plane. BLAM! BLAM! There. Now just imagine that thousands of people were inside that puppy. I don’t know what more you need to see in order to determine that Moussaoui deserves the death penalty, but just in case you need further convincing, we are now going to play the song “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins. Just imagine that YOU are Phil Collins, The World Trade Center is the man drowning in the river, and Moussaoui is the guy Phil Collins is singing to…yeah. The guy…who didn’t save the other guy from drowning. You guys know the story. Anyway, this trial is the concert at which YOU, the jury who is Phil Collins, now have the opportunity to shine the spotlight of justice on the guy in the audience, Moussaoui, who came to the concert not aware that YOU saw him not try to save the other guy, the World Trade Center…from drowning. On that night. That other guy who is The World Trade Center. Right. Now just a word of caution when the drums in the song really kick in, you know, that part that goes BUMBUMbumbumBUMBUMbumbumBUMBUM, we’ll be showing footage of the Hindenberg crashing into JonBenet Ramsey. It’s CGI. Okay smoke machines on…and lights…and cue the music.”

Can’t a guy

take a night off from his weekly comedy show, get hammered while watching American Idol, and then blog about Freddy Mercury without people asking him if he’s okay? Seriously folks, just a little tipsy blogging last night. It was “Queen” night on American Idol, and each contestant had to sing one of Mercury’s songs. It was odd – they force them to shoehorn the entire song into a minute or so, completely losing any sense of drama or build-up within the songs. They just go for the big NOOOOOTE! that they can belt out. Eh. Like I drunkenly said last night, they sure can sing, but I still find them dull. There’s more to excellent singing than just hitting the notes. Of all of them, the bald guy, Chris, is the only one that seems like there’s a little bit of that spark, that musical passion going on behind his eyes. Everyone else strikes me as cruise entertainment material.

Epiphany # 14356

Hi there. I’m Andres du Bouchet – a maniacal genius of unparalleled self-genius-calling, and I’m here to tell you that I’ve had another one of my EPHIPHANIES*. Which basically means…three Newcastle Brown Ales. At any rate, I was slumped in front of the televising device tonight watching ‘American Idol’, and I came to a very important conclusion that is going to effect all of our lives…

Freddy Mercury is more talented than us. It’s true. Sure, the poor man passed away years ago, but his talent continues to ripple outward on this pond we call THE UNIVERSE, whereas any talent each and any of us has continues its slow, steady, plop towards the sediment that lies at the bottom of the dark cloudy pool that will, in the end, swallow us all. Fuck you. Freddy Mercury rules. Each and every one of those American Idol contestants tonight had a grand voice, a fine, “he/she is the best singer in the office and/or at tonight’s karaoke competition” voice, but Freddy Mercury’s songs in turn devoured them whole. Fuck them too.

So indeed.

Newcastle #4 on the way. I know, it’s been a while since I’ve been all drunk and slumped oh my god am I single again NO. HA! No ladies. Fuck you three.

*Sic. (hic!)