Four American civilians were burned, dismembered and strung from a bridge where? In Falluja? FALLUJA?!? Gesundheit!!!
My back hurts. My head hurts. My jaw, for some fucking reason, is killing me. I think I’ve been grinding my teeth in my sleep lately. My fingernails taste like the chicken from five hours ago. I’m hunched over my father’s 1995 laptop, each letter fading onto the screen seconds after I tap the key. This fucking computer sucks turds. Yet it’s connected to a cable modem. Like giving Viagra to Stephen Hawking*. I’m in New Jersey, about two hours south of New York City. This is where my parents live, and this is where I’ve settled in for a few days to try and get some writing done. As you can tell, I’m off to a slow start. We’ll see.
*Is it really?
Check out this page and do what comes naturally. We never had this conversation.
New to my blog? Wondering how I generate such a vast dearth of hilarity? Well, I’ve created this short film to help you understand my creative process. Enjoy!
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
And how much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog only could?
And just how blue would a bluejay be if a bluejay flew by me?
Well not that blue
‘Cause I’ll tell you
I’m the curious woodsman!
Wake up woods! Wake up! It’s another glorious frosty mountain morning!
Wake up Mr. Squirrel! Wake up Mrs. Possum! Oh wait, you’re nocturnal. MY BAD!
How did nocturnality develop in certain small mammals anyway? Some sort of adaptive behavior linked to predator evasion, I guess. HAHAHAHA! I’m just so curious!
WAKE UP WOODS OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST!
Hi there. I’m comedian Andres du Bouchet, and I’ve just gone completely mad. From now on, I’ll be writing from the point of view of a rugged yet mildly psychotic loner who lives in the woods of the Pacific Northwest, and who likes to speak and sing to the flaura and fauna of his forest home. Enjoy!
I’m sorry my posts have been so brief of late, but it’s very hard to type while still giving the finger.