A couple of days ago, amidst all the hoopla and controversy and coverage and whatnot (I guess we’re still amidst the midst of it), I saw a television snippet of a woman who had just come out of seeing The Passion Of The Christ. As she wiped the tears from her eyes she addressed the camera, and in a very adamant tone of voice, she said:
“After seeing how much Jesus suffered in this film, you CANNOT TELL ME THAT HE IS NOT GOD.”
After seeing how much he suffered…in the film? What the fuck lady?
“After seeing how many bullets Neo dodged in this film, you CANNOT TELL ME THAT HE IS NOT ‘THE ONE’.”
“After seeing the many hilariously awkward adventures that Lindsey Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis’ transposed souls had to endure in this film, you CANNOT TELL ME THAT THAT FRIDAY WAS NOT INDEED A FREAKY FRIDAY.”
“After seeing the extent to which his pounding inches caused cum-drenched slut after cum-drenched slut to scream in what can only be described as a mixture of rehearsed ecstacy and thinly concealed, shame-tinged agony, you CANNOT TELL ME THAT HE IS NOT ‘THE ANALURGIST’.”
And so forth. Whatever. My opinion of religion, a shoddily rendered recap:
1974 – My Grandfather forced my parents to have me baptized at age two and a half or so. Or maybe it was earlier? At any rate, I was old enough to scream “No church! No church!” as they dunked me into the chlorinated holiness. I’m guessing my folks must have instilled some sort of negative opinion towards religion, or at the very least, Catholicism, in me, because I doubt at that age I would have been able to come to that conclusion on my own.
I’d like to pause to point out that I’m not editiing this stuff as I tupe it. SEE???
1979 – another estimated year. I punched some kid in the head because he took the Lord’s name in vain during a kickball game. Looks like I was a brief convert.
1989 – we take a huge leap ahead to a high school football game (in the stands, silly! I was/am about as athletic as a [something you find unathletic]), during which I boldly say something along the lines of “All religion is stupid and God doesn’t exist.”
2015 – beats me how I’ll feel.
present day – live and let live, whatever gets you through the day, you can have your religion just don’t try to convert or hurt me with it. Personally, however, I think the existence or non-existence of a God or other all-powerful entity is basically a moot, unimportant factor in our everyday lives. We’re too small to know, so why bother pondering it? Oh okay, I can see how pondering it is pretty enthralling. What I’m saying is, why bother getting all worked up about it? There’s just no way to know. and if there is some all powerful being looking down on us, what’s the likelyhood it gives a flying fuckeroo about us?
“After reading the poorly constructed thoughts and opinions in his blog, you CANNOT TELL ME THAT HE IS NOT FULL OF SAUVIGNON BLANC. AND BEN & JERRY’S. AND WHAT’S HE DOING WITH HIS RIGHT HAND OHGOODLORDNO.”