(beautiful, peaceful music plays in the background)
Hi. I’m Herb Farber, from the world famous Farber Fudgeworks in Herdleberg, New Hampshire. You know, since 1898, the name Farber has been synonymous with delicious, premium quality novelty fudge. And that’s not about to change as we advance into the 21st century.
Tonight I’m here to introduce our newest type of novelty fudge: The Happy Accident.
Is new Happy Accident novelty fudge reasonably priced? Sure it is.
Is it delicious? If you’re familiar with our line of premium novelty fudge products, that’s not even a question.
Does New Happy Accident novelty fudge accurately simulate the appearance, consistency, and texture of real human feces? You bet it does.
But that’s not where the novelty ends. Because Happy Accident novelty fudge doesn’t come in a tin, or a box, or a jar, or a container of any kind.
It comes in convenient pill form.
What’s in the pill? Good question. Three patented ingredients:
One – a revolutionary biochemical agent that literally transforms the molecular properties of the feces in your colon into rich, delicious, premium quality fudge. There’s the Happy.
Two – a volcanically powerful laxative. There’s the accident.
Three – a prescription strength antidepressant, to help you cope emotionally with the fact that, no matter how delicious it is, you are indeed eating your own shit.
So, the next time you’ve got a hankering for a snack, just pop a Happy Accident pill, and turn yourself into a fudge factory! That’s what I did!
(reaches into pants and produces fudge – eats it)
Mmm. (pause) You know something? I don’t think I actually ever took the pill. Oh God. Oh God no.